gracipher
gracipher's Cancer Blog
December 9, 2009
A favorite poem by Emily Dickinson:
WHILE I was fearing it, it came,But came with less of fear,
Because that fearing it so long
Had almost made it dear.
There is a fitting a dismay, 5
A fitting a despair.
’T is harder knowing it is due,
Than knowing it is here.
The trying on the utmost,
The morning it is new, 10
Is terribler than wearing it
A whole existence through.
Merry Christmas Grace!
Posted on Grace
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration in my life and thank you again for sharing your struggles with me. Ive told Ryan all about you, and its so much better being able to talk with someone who knows about this stuff.
You amaze me.
PS Surgery is scheduled for 8:30 am and I will be in touch with you once I am able.
Michelle
Posted on Dear Grace,
I so loved this! I am a real poetry lover and this was just beautiful. Blessings and thank you for posting this! Lori in AZ
Posted on Hi Grace,
Thank you for adding me to your list of people you support. How are you doing now? Are you all done with treatment? Is life getting back to “normal” whatever that is?
Let us know.
Hugs,
Theresa
Posted on December 2, 2009
For those of you who read this – I’m sorry it took so long to post, I have been occasionally ill, wound up in hospital overnight, busy with holidays and work plus I was waiting till I had a good overall picture of whats going on…
So I went to the neck ultrasound which was at the Hospital Center and the well-respected surgeon B (my second opinion)told me there were no suspicious lymph nodes and she doesn’t recommend surgery. Luckily last week I finally was able to see the surgeon who was first recommeded to me (but who didn’t have an appointment for 2 months) and because I had my tests with me in disc form he was able to tell me then and there (after a long consultation) that he doesn’t recommend surgery at the moment.
FINALLY I have 2 doctors agreeing and its an outcome I am glad to receive because I am so afraid of losing my voice permanently and the “rind” that lit up on the radioactive scan is right next to the only working one I have left! So the recommended course of action is “watching and waiting” by monitoring the thyroglobulin and antibodies in my blood and seeing when another radiation treatment may be appropriate…Interestingly, when I suddenly became sick 2 weeks ago with some kind of stomach flu I went to the hospital fearing appendicitis or H1N1 so they had me do a CT with contrast. I left the hospital much better (and it was neither) but because the contrast is iodine-based it means I have to wait 6 months before I can have any radioactive iodine. I suppose if I was an optimist I would say it was the best time for me to have this kind of test since I don’t have a dire situation which needs immediate radiation treatment… but the Pessimist in me sees it as preventing me from getting dosimetry which could help me in the future if or likely WHEN I need that ablation dose of radiation to determine how much my body can safely tolerate before the BAD side effects come into play.
Of course everything is made a bit more magnified because I am out of anti-depressants and can’t afford to fill the script and I feel like my helpful oncology counselor doesn’t have time for me. This is not bad news but I hate how the cumulative effect of this cancer has beaten me down to the point that I can’t trust my own emotions anymore.
I am glad you do not need an operation. Keep up the fight! I hope you feel better soon! Meery Christmas!
hi, grace. so glad to hear that you don’t need the operation. sorry to hear about the illness, though. hopefully, you will soon be able to get your anit-depressants since you feel better while on them. i hope you are able to enjoy the holdiay season even with all that is going on. sometimes having even a little normalcy in your life can make the days seem better. i will be praying for you. keep the faith. debby
Posted on Hi Grace,
I am trying to think of a way you can get your antidepressant. If you have more emotional energy you will feel more control so you can deal with the larger medical questions. You can try the mental health section at your local health dept. You might also try contacting the manufacturer of your medicine; perhaps a pharmacist could help you with that. I am sorry that there is so much confusion in your diagnosis and treatment. One other thought—my HMO has case managers for anyone with complex problems. Mine calls 1X/month. Are there CMs through your insurance? Who prescribes your antidepressant? Either a PCP or psychiatrist should be able to help you find medication funding, or funnel samples to you. Your doc’s drug rep will likely give samples to your doc if the doc requests them.I realize I am tossing a lot at you here. But since I don’t know your situation, I am just bainstorming possibilities. Keep going. You know everyone here is pulling for you.
Posted on Hi Grace
You have provided me so much strength and wisdom. Please keep your head up and I am thinking of you girl. Pls email me at mclare@shaw.ca anytime.
I’d love to chat.
Love to you
Michelle
PS thank you for all your blessings with Ryan.
10.07.09 
Thanks for your support - 
